Our babysitter problem

What's going on this week? Lots. Blaine brought home a nasty cough from Burma and landed an eye infection, too. I made a super-delicious beef sukiyaki tonight, maybe my best Japanese dish yet; the sauce is totally easy, and I swapped broc and carrots for some of the Japanese veggies.

We also have a babysitter problem. Our regular housecleaner and date-night sitter, Flor, had a very unpleasant spat with Lucinda on Monday, when Blaine and I went on a movie/dinner date.

Before bed, Lucinda wanted to watch The Simpsons, which comes on every nite at 7pm. But Flor didn't know how to change the cable voice-over from Japanese to English; it was my fault - I forgot to show her which button to push.

Lucinda screamed at Flor that she wanted to watch the show, but Flor couldn't fix it. Lucinda screamed and cried. Flor turned off the television. Lucinda shouted, "I hate you!" Then, according to Lucinda, Flor knocked (smacked? whacked?) Lucinda on Lucinda's back. More precisely, Lucinda says Flor hit her - not really hard, but still. Flor denies that she hit Lucinda, says she tried to quiet Lucinda so the neighbors wouldn't hear the shouting. Lucinda and Flor agree that Lucinda then kicked Flor.

The background is that Flor, a Filipina who has worked very hard in Tokyo for 11 years to educate her four children in the Philippines, prefers a controlled atmosphere where the kids say "please" and "thank you" and everyone understands the rules. I'm certain that Flor was upset and wanted to be sure that Lucinda respected her position.

I also believe Lucinda's version: that Flor did smack Lucinda - again, not hard, but hit her nonetheless. (Flor told me that Arno could be her witness - a 3 yr old? - but Arno had already backed up Lucinda's story.)

The fact is, Lucinda has never responded well to controlling babysitters. She is very self-regulating and disciplined about her behavior at school, and she wants and needs a certain amount of flexibility at home. In Seattle, too, Lucinda was more relaxed when we had a more relaxed nanny. Of course I'd noticed that Flor and Lucinda were not in synch, but I'd hoped their discomfort would ease with time, and after I told Flor that, yes, Lucinda could choose her own pajamas, did not need to be checked on after bedtime, and could have some fruit before bed.

So should I fire Flor? or give her another chance and explain what works with Lucinda, and what doesn't? This has been my dilemma since Monday. I've asked if Flor's sister, Zeni, a warmer person whom the kids like, can babysit in Flor's place, and that would keep the money flowing to this very hard-working Filipina family. I'm also looking for a last-minute substitute through friends.

I certainly don't want my 5 yr old to fear our babysitter. At least this is milder than what happened with our first Seattle nanny: very experienced, great references, first month with us - and then arrested for threatening her new husband (who'd called her a horrible ethnic slur), so I fired her. (In a panic, I was briefly tempted to bail her out of jail, until a friend told me, "Bailing out the nanny is not on anyone's Top Ten list." a great line, no?)

On a more pleasant subject, Blaine and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum, and we thought it was awesome.