Self magazine!

Finally, a story I wrote for Self magazine is in the February 2008 issue - on newsstands today! Here is the link.

This story, called "I married a gay man," is about a woman who endured marriage to a closeted gay military man for more than a decade. Starting nearly two years ago, I interviewed this woman several times for this "as-told-to" article; she is very outspoken and a wonderful storyteller, and I'm grateful for her patience and her openness with me.

Her story is pretty amazing: She grew up in a Bible-belt family and married her husband when she was 19. A decade later, when she was pregnant with her fourth child, she was told by her obstetrician that she had chlamydia. Her husband had always denied that he was gay despite some evidence to the contrary, but this forced him to confess and forced the entire family to accept a new reality.

This woman was totally willing to go on the record - that is, to have a byline - and even to be photographed, but at the 11th hour, a decision was made to label her "Anonymous" mainly to protect her ex-husband's identity. He is still in the Navy and could be tossed out because of "Don't ask, don't tell."

The genesis of the story was "Brokeback Mountain," which focused on the cowboys but barely touched on their wives' suffering. The Self story, I think, gives a harrowing view of the wives' experience.